To be perfectly honest… I’ve had enough of HEYROO’s Shin Buldalk Bibimmyeon. If I ever have to look upon these instant noodles again, I might have an aneurysm. If you haven’t read my how-to guide about these godawful noodles that clearly originated somewhere in the abyss, you should check that out first to see just how much of a serious pain these are to make. You can find my how-to guide, here. These noodles were so bad that they unintentionally got me into the Halloween spirit with my writing, even though that wasn’t my intention. They are just that evil…
By now, you’ve probably had enough time to read the previous article and I’m sure you’re wondering if all that trouble was really worth it or not? Well, allow me to give you the good news first…
Actually, there is no good news. It’s entirely bad…
The biggest problem I’m having today is how in the love of Hades can even begin to write this review without swearing or dropping F-Bombs all over the page? These instant noodles are ATROCIOUS. Yes, I actually just searched for what the worst word in the English language was to describe something as terrible. There were lots of options, but I rolled with that one. However, feel free to insert whatever word you think describes the worst thing imaginable above, because HEYROO Shin Buldalk Bibimmyeon is just that. Heck, I might just start calling all terrible things “HEYROO” or “Shin Buldalk Bibimmyeon,” though that one might be a little too long.
Flavor
Now, I know that some freak, somewhere, on this soon to be lifeless planet is going to disagree with me and actually love these instant noodles. Trust me, these noodles are absolute freaking garbage. And, that’s an understatement…
I can’t believe they even use the word, “chicken,” to describe what is in these noodles. Don’t kid yourself, because there is no chicken inside this cup, only what seems to be some sort of semi-hard, meat substitute that tastes like sour jerky.
I can’t taste any of the included seaweed and sesame or even the mayonnaise. It gets completely decimated by the disgustingly, strange tasting, sour Buldalk / Bibim Sauce. What the $#@! did they put in this sauce? It seriously makes me want to spew vomit back into the cup, seal it, and ship it off to whichever factory in the netherworld this cup of ramen came from. And, why do I taste old wet paper!?
Spiciness
Clearly, this toxic ooze that came straight out of the Technodrome from Ninja Turtles used in this cup of ramen is a chemical concoction that achieved some level of spiciness. These instant noodles aren’t all that insanely spicy like the Buldalk Series, but they do pack some heat. This is one of the unique circumstances where I actually hoped that the fiery sauce would burnout my taste buds, so I couldn’t taste even a single molecule. Alas, this was not the case...
Shin Buldalk Bibimmyeon is moderately spicy and might be a challenge to some who can’t take too much heat. These “noodles” managed to zing my brain, warm my belly, and make me sweat a bit, so they weren’t a complete bust in terms of spiciness.
Smell
These noodles smell uncannily like sour Chef Boyardee mixed with wet socks. They seriously smell rotten. I had to dig the cup out of the trash to check the expiration date, because I can’t believe they taste or smell this bad and expect people to consume them. The Buldalk / Bibim Sauce smells so sour, it has the odor of vinegar.
Noodles
At first, I was excited about these noodles, because they are packaged raw, rather than dried bricks. The noodles come in plastic packaging (TAKE THAT EARTH! — HEYROO cackled villainously as another pitiful customer sent their plastic to the bin) and the noodles need to be placed into hot water for a certain amount of time, that will forever be a mystery. The instructions for cooking these noodles absolutely suck. The only thing they said was to place the noodles in hot water until they are soft. I think I’ll stick with dried bricks from now on for the convenience. The raw noodles are a pain to cook and they actually taste worse, not better. At least in this cup of noodles…
Overall
HEYROO Shin Buldalk Bibimmyeon Instant Noodles should be removed from the shelves, pronto. As the label on these noodles suggests, they are a good bargain, because they offer more for your money. The problem is, who is actually going to eat these? They must have sacrificed ALL of the quality for keeping these noodles cheap. I also thought I was going to turn into jerky, because it took so long to make these. I’m sure my delicious mummified flesh would taste better than the “chicken” found in this ramen. These noodles are definitely a winner in one category today. The category is for the worst instant noodles I have ever eaten and hope to never eat again. Congratulations, HEYROO! Now, take your noodles and begone.
So, what do you guys think? Is quality more important to you than quantity or price when it comes to instant noodles? I can’t think any question more important than this one today. Let me know what you think down in the comments section!
If you’re interested in hearing more about instant ramen, check out my on-going series, Noodle Story: An Exploration of Korean Instant Noodles, here on Medium.
