Hold on for second… Let me rinse the aftertaste of petroleum out of my mouth before I start this review. Wait! Am I blind!? I can’t see a thing! Someone call me an ambulance ASAP!
Just kidding! I’ll be fine. At least… I think I will be…
If you love the taste of fossil fuels or crude oil, then you’ll surely love Nongshim Fried Udon. This clearly synthetic cup of faux udon must have been fried in petrol, because they are B-A-D, bad… or maybe these noodles were excavated from the depths of a tar pit from the cretaceous period? Either way, Fried Udon is digusting. I’m not happy. And… neither is my “number two man” named, belly. I could just string an endless amount of curse words to finish off this intro, but I’ll save some bits and the planet by leaving the swear words up to you. I only ask that you finish my intro by inserting your favorite naughty words, here!
Great! Let’s get on with the review!
Flavor:
Nongshim Fried Udon has a very plain and classic taste. Like most classic or even semi-classic cups of noodles like this one, the flavor mostly comes from being extremely salty and packed with MSG. I think there is a bit of soy sauce used in the broth, but honestly, it’s really hard to tell. That would make sense, because this is supposed to be udon. It definitely isn’t though… There is a decent amount of laver in these noodles that adds to the flavor. Additionally, I found: some fried fish cakes, slices of red chili pepper, and plenty of spring onion.
Spiciness:
Normally, I would be giving some praise to a cup of noodles that stayed authentic, but these noodles are an exception. As you most likely know, udon isn’t known for being spicy. I certainly know I haven’t had a single bowl of udon that was spicy, so Fried Udon does stay in line with the original style and flavors of udon. I just don’t think you can call this cup of noodles udon though. That would be seriously stretching the definition of udon to its limits. I would call these noodles, “Phodon,” which uses an alternate spelling of “faux” plus “udon.” At least the “ph-” makes it sound futuristic. What do you think?
Smell:
Believe it or not, Nongshim’s Fried Udon smells like motor oil. This is coming from one of those weirdos that actually finds the smell of gasoline pleasing. However, this isn’t a good automotive smell like that. It’s kind of like motor oil mixed with some cheap, rotten cooking oil. I guess we know now where Nongshim is cutting corners with these noodles!
Noodles:
Uh… These noodles actually look like they were from 1990. They look as old as they are pale and thin. Would someone please help these noodles out and put them in the nursing or at least in assisted living? They could really use some help! Other than that, these are just your basic ramen noodles. I thought they would be udon noodles or at least made kind of similar to them, but I was wrong. These noodles just aren’t that great. They also look very flat and have almost no flavor to them. Fortunately, Fried Udon does have quite a lot of noodles packed in the container, but that’s about all it has going for it.
Overall:
Nongshim must be keeping house like a hoarder at this point. While I’m typing this, my severely brain damaged brain keeps pulling images of a dilapidated house bursting at the seams with garbage, but the elderly owners still happily live there. That about sums up how delicious Fried Udon truly is…
Nongshim really needs to cut these noodles loose. They are just dead weight. I’m hard pressed to think of a single person who would enjoy these noodles. They are absolute garbage and I don’t think you should waste your money on them. I recently blasted King Ttukkeong for being a dinosaur and Fried Udon is even worse than that bowl of noodles.
The label on these noodles is full of bologna too. Fried Udon is NOT udon and it never will be either. If you’re looking for actual udon, I suggest getting Bon Go Jang Katsuo Udon.
If you already have a cup of these noodles, I feel sorry for you. You could give them to the neighborhood children to punt around the yard or use them as a rain gauge. Whatever you like! Personally, I would save these for a dark day and happily present these instant noodles to your worst enemy. They might actually enjoy them!
Is it just me or do you also love the delicious smell of gasoline? I can’t be the only one! What other uses can you think of for Fried Udon? Let me know in the comments section!
If you’re interested in hearing more about instant ramen, check out my on-going series, Noodle Story: An Exploration of Korean Instant Noodles, here on Medium.
